A Complete Bust

The past few days have been a complete bust.  I suppose that's not exactly true, but since Thursday I haven't quite been on the ball.  The Stoics would say that these sorts of things happen to all of us and that I should just get on getting on - so that's what I'm going to do.

I hope to have a relatively active day where I meet or exceed the majority of my goals.

A Lack of Discipline and a Desire for Candy

At the friends meeting today, I realized something about myself that I dwelt on during the drive home.  We live in a world of candy.  We're surrounded by sweet distracting tastes and we're used to being distracted by one feeling or another.  I am.  I don't want that.

I also realized that I lack discipline.  I want to control the world around me, rather than controlling the world inside me.  I'd like to change that, however hard it may be.  It's a project work my time.

I wonder if that's what Socrates meant when he said, "know thyself."  We can know so many things, but if we are strangers to ourselves, if we lack self-control, it gains us very little.

Another Day

I needed to indulge a little yesterday.
I over indulged.

I need to find something to do for when I've overworked that doesn't involve eating.

It also shouldn't involve reading, writing, or watching TV, which usually leads to eating and drinking.

I can't be music either, because that tends to hype me up.

Still, it ought to be something mindless.

I'd like to make up something on the spot, but I'm at a loss.  

Arguing is Time Wasted

I just spent about 25 minutes of my time arguing with my dad about religion.  He's confident that he understands the Bible better than I do.  I don't care about that, but it's difficult to know how to approach the situation.  On one hand, I don't want to ignore him.  I don't want to lie and pretend that I believe what he does.  But I also don't want to discuss it with him because there's simply no point.  He doesn't understand the arguments.  I think the best course of action is simply to not talk to my dad about religion.

Aside from that I had a largely productive day.  It was the best lift day in a long time.  I wrote plenty and accomplished a lot having to do with work.  So, all very good.  I even mostly kept my calm talking to my dad and dealing with other frustrations during the day.  Oh, and my dad was the only person I argued with, and believe me - I saw a lot of nonsense online today.  The crazy is boiling over.

Took it Slow

I took it slow this morning, but not too slow.  I've gotten a fair amount done today.  More than anything I've been peacefully excited.  Happy.  It's been nice.  I found out that it won't be too long before I'm back in Detroit.  It's almost happening too quickly.  I'm excited about the blog.  I finally almost know what I'm doing.  And it's good.

I'll continue to work hard today and hopefully get a decent amount done.

Worn out in a Good Way

It would be a healthy thing to take a day and just relax.  I'm almost enjoying myself too much.
I ran almost 8 miles this morning, the first time I've run that far since at least October.  I studied up on Quakerism.  I did plenty with my blog, opened a Twitter account, wrote and edited posts and even wrote a script for my first podcast.  I also did plenty around the house including cleaning out the spare bedroom so that Dan and I have a place to record.  At the same time, I've not been completely absent from Sarah and Alex.  Sarah's not feeling well.  She's sick and also stressed because she has a test tomorrow.  She's been studying all day.  When she's been irritable, I've kept my calm.  It's hard to say how difficult for me this is sometimes.  I can be emotionally petty.  I'm working on it.  Maybe, I'll do 15-20 more minutes of work and then stretch while I read some of the devotionals that Roya gave me.

Dawn of a New Day!

I picked the title because I literally woke up as the sun was rising :P.
I feel good this morning.  I accidentally started working as I was sipping my coffee, long before the fog had begun to lift from my mind.  I love what I'm doing right now and I can only hope that it goes well enough to provide a source of income.  Even if it doesn't, doing it for a few months will be a source of joy for me.  I'll learn a lot too.

I'm going to get on the treadmill in a little bit here.  With luck, I'll run seven miles today, maybe more.

As the day goes on, I'm going to try to be active and productive while keeping a joyful loving attitude.  We'll see how it goes.

My First Day at the Bahai Center

Today was my first day at the Bahai Center.  I really enjoyed it.

Anyway, I worked hard from the time I got up until the time I went to bed.  I wrote two posts.  I edited several more.  I didn't lift - that just didn't work out.  I did get more than my fair share of steps in, shopped for groceries, cooked, did dishes and laundry and any number of other things.  On top of that I drove 40 minutes each way to the Center and spent 3.5 hours there.

And in all that, I've kept my head at times where normally I might not have.  It's been a splendid day and I'll be grateful if I can repeat it tomorrow.  :)

Tired, but Awake

This is the morning I attend a Bahai' Temple.  It should be a lot of fun.  I didn't want to wake so early on a Sunday (I should be grateful to be up), but I'm up and that's something.  I'm going to make coffee and hop in the shower in the hopes of making myself a bit less tired, then I'll walk on the treadmill until it's just about time to go.

My hope today is to be as active as yesterday and grateful too.  My other goal is to follow the Military Diet.  If I can accomplish those things, I'll be proud of myself.  If for some reason I can't, I'll try to find something else to be grateful for.

Evening Reflection

I'm wired to the point that it's difficult to reflect.  I had a good day.  I hit the ground running taking my son to Coding class.  While he was in class I got myself breakfast at this little bagel shop I found last week.  I tried to type, but the internet wasn't working for me.  When I finished my bagel I went to McDonalds where I wrote another essay.

After he was done with class, I went home ran 6 miles and after showering headed over to Dan's to experiment with Podcasting.  We spent about 5 hours socializing, experimenting and discussing the Podcast.  We made two separate recordings.  One was an open discussion Podcast, the other discussed me becoming a Humanist.  There were a few rough patches, but one the whole I felt we were naturals.

When I got home, I said goodnight to my son and spent some time with my wife before trying to sleep.  When that didn't work, I decided to spend some time updating the layout of the blog at the request of a friend.  It looks much better, although I'd like to improve it more still.  I don't know if I can do what I want.

I was very Stoic in two ways today.  I lived my life the way I want to and I enjoyed persistent work.  I hope I can continue this trend tomorrow. 

Army Diet Again

Tomorrow, I'll start the Army Diet again.  Today I'll make sure to get plenty of exercise.  It's going to be a busy day.  I ate a little too much yesterday and had something of a lazy day.  I did go for a good walk.  We had a blast with Alex' birthday.  He did well at his spelling bee too.

I'd like to spend a little less time watching TV today than I did yesterday, or at least if I do watch it, I'd like to be on the treadmill.  It might be good for me to watch another short documentary on Bahai since I'm going to visit them tomorrow.

One thing I will say, since I've started this blog.  I find it easier to make the right decision.  I find it easier to eat smaller portions and not react too much when people behave strangely.  It's a good enough reason to keep writing.

Gratefulness in Failure

I performed horribly last night.  I ate too much and drank too much too.  I had fun.  I don't feel bad about it, but it's not going to help me achieve my goals if I do this with any amount of frequency.  In any case, I'm still grateful.  I'm grateful that I can do good things today and tomorrow as well.  I'm also grateful to be a husband and a father.  So, I'll be happy and also keep trying to do well.

I don't want to get up

Thursday morning.  I woke up around 6:30 a.m.  I've been sitting around a bit more than I ought.  I need to get ready for a run up to the Capitol with my friend, and then onto all sorts of other things.  I think we'll make it a short run.  It should be good.

I've got plenty to do today and want to remember to keep my head.  I'd like to be grateful during action.  I want to work hard and have fun.  I also want to focus on my actions more than the results the world hands me.  The last part is the hardest for me.

Evening 11 January 2017

It's been a long day and a fun one too.  Even though I was rather tired this morning I did get my morning workout in.  I got an unexpected message from a friend letting me know that he'd be in town for two days and needed a place to crash.  He's moving to DC, but wasn't expecting to show up for a few more day - the weather forecast led him to rush his arrival.  So after work, I spent several hours working alongside my wife and son to prepare the house.  During my breaks, I got a fair bit of writing done too.  When my friend arrived, we ate a quick dinner and walked in the light rain.  I showed him the Washington Memorial and Capitol buildings from a distance, as well as another building of interest.  We went back to the house for a little while, and then headed back out again, parking at Parking Area A and walking what I've come to call "the loop."

In other words, I worked hard today.  I had fun today.  I didn't spent time arguing with people online.  If I had to live today over again, I'd be proud to live it more or less exactly as I have.

I suppose it will be helpful to look for at least one or two faults.  I drink coffee too late in the day.  It's not good for my sleep and I know it.  I'd probably do better to drink a cup or two less of coffee as well.  I also talk negatively about people more than I ought.  I'm not a gossip, but I'm more critical than I need to be.  There are better things to focus on, better ways to spend my energy.  When I'm having a great day and get really excited, it can turn into a kind of mania.  I enjoy this feeling, but I should try to relax a bit.  I find that if I embrace the feeling too much it can keep me from sleeping well, which leads to poor work performance and irritation.

Grogimus Prime

I'm so tired.  The truth is that I don't have to be up for another hour or so.  I could go back to bed after my son goes to school, but it would be healthier for me to stay up and try to create a more normal sleeping pattern for myself.  So that's what I'm going to do.  I feel sick.  I probably wouldn't have any luck going to the gym right now.  I do think I can walk slowly on the treadmill.  It's something.  Even if I can only do a little, that's what I should do.

I read a quote from Marcus this morning about slavery to emotions.  I don't think that people have to control their emotions, necessarily.  Sometimes that's beneficial.  Sometimes it isn't.  It is important to keep our emotions from controlling us when possible.  My wife and I were working to get our son ready for school this morning.  Any number of times, I wanted to say something grouchy.  I was groggy - it didn't have anything to do with her.  I avoided doing this almost entirely, which I will consider a success.

I realized that we become slaves when we act on emotions in ways that our future selves wouldn't approve of.  If I'd been grouchy with her, it would have prolong those negative emotions.  Instead of having a few seconds here of impatience or discomfort, I'd have been arguing with my wife for minutes at a time, at the very least.  It could have lasted all day.  Additionally, speaking the emotion would have given it weight it didn't previously have.  I wouldn't say that this should be done for all emotions, positive or negative, but some feelings can be easily dismissed as tiny inconvenient whims attempting to make themselves large in our lives by shouting to gain our attention.

I think one of the most interesting aspects to Stoicism is that it isn't about ignoring emotion.  It's about allowing the rational mind to decide which emotions to pay attention to, and what sort of attention to pay them.  The goal is to have our emotions work for us rather than the other way around.  This is an art that one learns over time.  It's a series of virtues that one develops.  Book knowledge helps, but crafting the soul is mostly hands-on work.  

The Nonsense is Shiny

While I didn't work quite as diligently as I might have today, being tired and waking late, I accomplished quite a bit.  I wrote more than one essay, which is always a good accomplishment.  I even edited them.  I didn't waste time arguing with people on Facebook - and avoided reading too much nonsense too.  I only hope that I can build on that habit.  God knows that'll be difficult.  The nonsense is shiny.

By remaining both calm and persistent, I helped my wife achieve her goals without being too much of a jerk about it.  I also managed to make time for an old friend.  The whole family got to go along and I think everyone had fun.

All in all, today was a good day.  I'm grateful for my ability to be attentive to the things I wanted to do.  I don't think that this attitude is the pinnacle of Stoicism.  I'd like to grow to be the sort of person who can be grateful when I do my best and the shit hits the fan anyway.  I'm not there.  Still, in a way, I'd like to think that being okay with where I am in part of being Stoic too.

Morning 10 January 2017

I didn't sleep well last night, and woke late on account of it.  Still, once awake I did what needed to be done more or less efficiently.  I've so far stuck to the Army Diet.

In the past, I've always found strength in gratefulness.  It's so easy to despair when life goes poorly.  I thought I'd start this morning by reflected on those things for which I am grateful.  I'm grateful to be a husband and father.  I must remember that the messiness that comes from those things is sometimes a blessing in disguise.  I'm grateful for my job.  And I'm grateful for my many friends.  I'm a lucky man.

I should focus on these things and how to best enjoy my obligations to them instead of focusing on the fact that the world is burning.  I can't help that the world is burning, but I can be a good father, husband, worker and friend.  And I can take care of my body too, which is what I intend to do next.

Evening Reflection 9 January 2017: Wasting my time

The dishes could be done.  The floor could be swept, but I'm sitting here reading Facebook comments about politics.  My feelings are just as passionate as anyone else's, I think.  I'm better read than most people, but it doesn't usually matter.  I know that almost anything I type just goes into the void.  I feel like I might be able to inform people, but that's not how the world works any more.  There are better uses of my time.  It's one thing to say that, but quite another to act on it.

I should be somewhat grateful.  I didn't eat too much today.  I stuck with an adapted version of the Army Diet as found on the internet.  I've lost a few pounds doing this since New Years.  I hope to keep it up, not only because it's helping me lose weight, but because it's teaching me about portion sizes.  I think that's the most important thing.  I am innately unconcerned with how much food I eat.  It's incredibly unhealthy.

I should go to bed in an hour or so.  I suppose that I'd do well to try to accomplish another task or two before then.

Bad Stoic

I adopted Stoicism about 2 years ago.  I'm a bad Stoic.  I know the doctrines that are relevant to modern life, but I often have trouble living.  It's one thing to believe a thing.  It's another actually do it.  I eat more than I ought.  I waste my time entertaining myself.  I know that these things won't make me happier, but I do them anyway.  The truth is that they often make me less happy than I would be if I ate less and were hard at work.

Where should I apply my energy?  That's the real question.  I have no idea.  I'd like to commit to keeping a daily journal, but I can't imagine that I'll actually keep up with it.  I guess the journal would keep track of my daily goals and observations, as well as my failings.

I'll start with my failings.  I should have gotten up at 5:30 today, but I didn't.  I didn't have anything in particular that I really had to do that early - which is why I didn't get up.  It's probably a little early for me anyway.  Still, I should have gotten up and conducted a rigorous PT early.  I got up late and conducted a weak sort of PT.

I've been lame all day.

I did manage to walk almost 8 miles.  And I did research Bahai faith.  I think I want to go to one of their temples and write about it.

That's all I'll write for now.  Maybe, I'll write again tomorrow, but I doubt it.